SAPIENT Pt. I

I was dreaming that I was dreaming. That's the best way to explain it.
No, it was more like being in a movie theater. The lights in my mind were dimmed and a different reel was spinning.
I remember standing, looking down at my girlfriend, Gean, as we inhaled together. I wasn't feeling anything and I wondered what I was doing here in the woods, about to see Pineapple Express a second time. It seemed a waste of time.
Then, with the flutter of our eyelids, down went the houselights. The screen flickered and I had to sit down. And then, I was dreaming that I was dreaming.
I knew I had to write this down, so I pulled my notebook out of my back pocket. It fluttered into my lap like spreading sheets on a clothesline. The flap of wings. I felt my leg falling asleep, from sitting on it weird. This taught me that "Everything Flows to Something" and with a heavy, slow hand I jotted this down.
In the theater of my mind, I felt like I was watching my entire life play out in front of me, in bits and pieces. It was always an illusion and this scared me intensely. I couldn't decide which one was the true reality and I couldn't decide which one I wanted.
I looked to Gean, her eyes red as mine, and she had a knowing smile. She shared the deep pleasure, but I don't think she was as far gone as me. I'd never had such a weird trip. But if my entire life was a dream, that means I was dreaming of her. I kissed her, but it was in slow motion until my lips impacted hers. It was one of the only things that felt real.
The only other reality I could be certain of was my pen against the paper. I didn't want to stop dreaming of Gean so I wrote "WAKE UP" a dozen times, scrawling through time and space to make my point.
The theater was dark and the film blurred at the wrong moments. Everything had that vignette feel.
My head said, this is really happening. Hold her hand. And I did, and it felt real.
We walked and her friends drove us to the movie theater. We sat in the backseat and I laid my head in her lap. They passed to us, but I didn't partake. Gean blew smoke in my ear and I felt like a caterpillar, curling up in her palm.
I knew I was in no condition to be buying movie tickets, so I made Gean do it. But apparently I was conscious enough to find some gift cards in my wallet and hand them to the annoyed cashier.
In the movie theater, things became even weirder. I was convinced I had died, but I wasn't sure which reality was accurate. I resisted coming out of it, because I was curious and lost. I was arguing with a voice in my head that was merely trying to convince me to go back. "I don't want to go back into the dream" I wrote.
I would constantly kiss Gean, to make sure she was real and would stay that way. I would sing to her and tell her I love her, to the point of irritation. I would pause to write down another hectic thought. "My writing is the only thing that feels real."
At one point, I felt that my feet were wrapped in balloons of water, the same kind you'd carry a goldfish with. I dreamt of a field of golden tulips, each with an all-seeing eye gazing at me. They said to me, "I AM WATCHING YOU". I told them, I am worthless. I am a painting. They wouldn't stop watching me.
Then, I discovered that there are three levels of perception: the Me sense, the Dreaming sense and the Gravy sense. The Gravy moniker was just to explain a level of perception I have not reached, nor understand. I don't know what it is really called. I also wrote, I am three people at once.
It seemed illogical to be thinking this way, so I scribbled, "Believe it or not!" and then kept repeating the phrase to myself.
I kept trying to figure out if I had really died or not. I knew I could go back into the reality I'm used to, but if it's fake, what is the point? Looking at Gean, I knew I wanted to love her and if I died, I couldn't "Let out the love."
I was in space, and realized that space is the blackness in my eyes, in my heart. But I asked myself, when am I going back?
I kissed Gean and asked her, "Do this again with me sometime."
She gave me a coy smile and said, "Maybe."
And I went back.