BUY MY VOTE

On Friday, I registered to get a new social security card because my last one was lost in a move or something. Maybe an illegal stole it and that's why my credit is so good. What a fascist institution the social security system is. I become a 9-digit number to the state so they can keep track of everything important I do. Work, get a house, get married, etc. None of that is their business, but with the help of their police state tactics they can stick their nose in my life (and take money from me in the process).

If you don't think that's fascist, I strongly encourage you to look that word up. As far as I know, even Nazi Germany didn't have a social system like America.

I also registered to vote.

It was cool, at least, so I'm told. It's the only thing that makes me an American citizen. Took 5 mins and under occupation I put: AWESOME. When I get my card in the mail, it should (at least, it better) say I am awesome for a living.

Yes, I think voting is a waste of time, but I'm still going to do it. My cousin wants me to vote for Bob Barr (since Matt isn't old enough to participate). That's a good idea, but I still don't know who I'm going to pretend to elect yet. So I am offering my vote for sale. I will vote for the candidate of the person who offers me the most money. Starting bid is $20.

This is a great opportunity for you! Imagine, you now have TWO voices in this fascist state that doesn't care what you think. If you really think your idol needs to be in office, the chances are just that much higher if you pay me off.

It's illegal, totally illegal, federal crime, makes me a felon. If I get caught. So this is the part where I say I'm joking and you can give me the money as "a gift". I'm still gonna vote for who I want.

But seriously. C'mon, $20.00 cash. It's not that much. And who knows? Maybe your fascist of choice will win! Every stupid vote counts, right?

The only thing I can see going wrong is if someone offers me the most money NOT to vote.
I'd take it. In fact, I may threaten to vote for McCain unless you pay. Take my vote ransom. Ha!

Good luck this November. There are people like me choosing the next president.