5 Sentence Reviews of 5 Movies

5 Sentence Reviews of 5 Movies
Mene Tekel

Sleepy Hollow (1999) - Lame. Way to ruin a perfectly good legend, Mr. Tim Burton, with your fancy special effects and immature Gothic storytelling. Even Johnny Depp can't save this terrible retelling or make the horror believable. This is as bad as From Hell, only because it's another film Depp latched onto, that bastardized a classic element of culture (and both involved serial killers, in one way or another). Burton always adds too much to something simple.

Australia (2008) - Terrible. Nothing but a tawdry romance novel for lonely women that love the dildo and lust after burly men, dreaming one will swoop in and bed them. Nicole Kidman is a whiny brat and Hugh Jackman is dumbass twit and everyone else is an imperialist, racist douche. Oh, and not to mention the irritating little kid who I wanted to smack. When people died, I cheered, such as when a fat woman drowns and an alcoholic gets trampled by cattle.

The Air I Breathe (2007) - Beautiful. Many lines that floored me, many scenes that were astounding. Needed much work, but for first time full-length directing, Jieho Lee is incredibly insightful and performs miracles, not the least of which is making Brendan Fraser act less like a tool. Really reflected on the life choices I have. Haunting and poetic, but still lacked something as a result of a weak plot.

Milk (2008) - Powerful. Despite drooling for an Oscar, Sean Penn does a decent job of portraying how chaotic history can be. It's no coincidence that Milk is portrayed like an Obama-wannabe, especially after the passing of Prop 8 and 102. Parts of the film are preachy and at the core, the politics are just sickening, but it still worked. A bit too optimistic and the death never moved me.

Pride and Glory (2008) - Awful. Edward Norton's acting is the only pleasure in this dry film about corrupt New York policemen. By the end, I was rooting for the drug dealers and not sympathetic to the cause of the protagonist, despite how great a character Norton can be. Weirdly, he had a scar on his left cheek that moved and changed color throughout the film.