The Audacity of Humanity!

It is never a good thing to think anthropologically, which is something I constantly do, which means I am stuck living in the future, but the way, way distant future. I'm constantly considering who will discover my civilization when it crumbles.

As Chuck Palahniuk once said "Everything you ever create will be thrown away. Everything you’re proud of will end up as trash."

Because of this, I'm always careful of everything I throw away. If I don't want some garbologist to find my dirtiest of dirtys in the year 3021, I burn it.

On the other hand (and this is the point) I also find some things in humanity I want to destroy for the benefit of future generations. Sometimes I go into thrift stores and "drop" fragile pieces of absolute shit and I don't feel guilty. Why should I? I have purged the Earth of another fuckin' Anna Nicole Smith snowglobe or High School Musical porcelain dildo.

And I realize with certainty that I have no authority to decide what is worthwhile and what is not. I'm also glad that this same ideal hasn't been applied to things of relevance today or even my own works. That would be quite depressing and disgusting. Rest assured, I hate censorship with a passion.

But perhaps this is different. Separate somehow. Anyway, no one else is fuckin' doin' it!

It is an understatement to say that Americans need a lot less shit. From Furby cake decorations to Yu-Gi-Oh! adult diapers to Hannah Montana diet supplements, it's all shit that doesn't even deserve to dent a landfill.

This is the Audacity of Humanity.

Last night on Hulu, I watched "Giant Spider Invasion" a 1975 b-movie about trans-dimensional blackhole-traveling tarantulas. Confused as to why their meteor landed in Wisconsin, the spiders decide to eat everyone. The film was so worthless, no one even bothered to save a decent copy and the Hulu version is full of bad cuts, scratches and distorted sound, like a grindhouse film sans sex and violence. It goes without saying, it was fucking terrible. Here are the most intelligent quotes from the whole film:

"Sometimes the only time i know you're still alive is when I hear you flush the toilet."

"You're so dumb you wouldn't know rabbit turds from rice crispies."

I kinda of wanted to pick apart the plot a lot, like how the spider was emitting so much radiation that even if it was squashed, everyone would die of cancer. But what's the point?

I put "Invasion" on in the background and lazily got some work done and occasionally glanced up to see a bunch of Disco-era nobodies scream and violently get ripped apart at the hands of their radioactive arachnid tormentors.

The best part was the 50ft. spider which roamed the countryside and ate helpless cattle and douchebags that tried to shoot it. The tarantula was made using hunks of polyester and sherbet-tinted headlight eyes. And apparently, giving it too much radiation makes it explode orange, green and purple like a Willy Wonka wetdream. And someone actually took the time to design and construct this thing?? Such audacity!

But there's so much of this crap, it's unbelievable. Do you really think Transformers 2 is going to last another ten years? Yeah, that's what I thought about Pokémon: The Movie. (Note: generally, nothing called "the movie" is ever going to worth shit)

Now that poor, worthless spider is going to lie buried next to your collection of pogs and my mother's favorite John Cusack DVD's for centuries until Xeta anthropologists excavate it and ponder how stupid we were.

Day Four: Conspiracy Theories

The phone rings in a dream.

Drove with my grandparents to Manchester. 45 minute drive. My grandma took a plane to North Carolina to witness my cousin's graduation. I haven't seen him since I was eight. Guess it's staying that way.

We took the Prius and the truck so that we could fill them up with donated food from the Manchester food bank. I was allowed to grab a handful of stuff for my own devices. I mostly got old, expired 35mm film which I hear is a godsend to develop for experimental photographers (read: me).

I also got a disposable camera, some weird dyes, mints that taste like chlorine, rechargable batteries, shoe polish. A CD by the band Seven Mary Three, that reached their peak in 1996. Their new CD sucks. In fact, I bet they all do.

An entire case of weird energy pills I will be experimenting with.

I got a bit more than a $150 worth of stuff. My grandpa got about $1977 estimated worth of food and toiletries, but he had to pay $232. The money was tithe money tho, because the church funds the pantry.

My uncle employees a man named Miro, a dude from Bulgaria who taught me how to wait tables. Just going over the basics. A crash course. He was really thorough and realistic, teaching me how to raise the check.

As I waited in Scott's office, I noticed his tropical fish. Sad little things. Slaves with low levels of consciousness. No emotions. Swim. These are animals as wallpaper. As nothing more than decoration. Because how much affection can you afford to a mindless animal like that? Not that you should set them free, not that I care. It makes no difference. The point is, they exist for the purpose of observation. Just an observation.

Tried some schizophotography. Nothing I really loved.

I like my flickr pro account so much. Totally worth the $25 I paid for it. I see it as more of a photo diary than a collection. Each picture is worth more than a 1000 words to me. You'd probably get a better idea of what was happening to me in New England if you followed the uploads, which you can, here. You may already know that.

The security here is very lax. No one locks anything up. Not even their front door. My grandpa leaves his keys in the car. It would be incredibly easy to commit a crime here. It might be possible to get away with it, I don't know. People here notice things more and they are more likely to tattle.

If five others and I went around burgling people, in broad daylight, we'd create a strange wave of paranoia that would turn this town completely upside down. Once they lock those doors up, once they fear, this town will never be safe again.

One day it will happen. I'm just wondering when.

Perhaps the people here are too trusting. In other areas of living, a little cynicism could go a long way.

I went to a boring little awards ceremony and drew sketches with my cousins. My cousins got many achievements in school, but I was just happy with what I drew. Spent the rest of the evening playing video games with Matthew.

Drove home in the darkness and spoke softly with it. I'm here again, in this sunless abyss and this time I'm not to blame.