We Hate Love - Bitter Rantings of Mayhem Festival in Phoenix

This past weekend, after going to the Mayhem Festival at Cricket Pavilion, I am certain I have a brain tumor.

Apparently, KUPD, the "Big Red Radio" and Rockstar put on this little show to glorify their biggest and baddest "loud rock" bands they glorify. The fest could have done with more planning (the concert was so disorganized they forgot an entire stage in L.A.) and less sponsors, because the breeds of music tended to contradict and clash worse than thrash metal chords.

Slayer and Manson? Please. Those go together like The veteran metal heads drummed up their drunken, hardcore fans (constantly screaming the band's name) while the cross-dressing weirdo Manson only attracted more of the like. This only scattered and weakened the crowd resulting in a bunch of people standing around, too bored to mosh or even move.

As you can expect, the audience was a mix of skinheads, long-haired bikers and emo highschoolers. In short, everyone there was an absolute tool, including myself, who wore a plaid-green button up shirt. Hipster, some may say, but I'd say "easy target". I stood out like Manson's nipple's in a sea of black t-shirts and choker necklaces.

I'm still not sure how I ended up there with my friends Luke, Corey and Bryce. We (them, really) only went for Marilyn Manson, I went because I had a free ticket. We rolled up as a killer dust storm rolled in and as Killswitch Engage killed their set.

Getting inside was a chore, because they banned lighters and matches, apparently to stifle the fires random assholes started on the field last year. Still, the rent-a-cops didn't bar cigarettes, and people got in lighters somehow. Then they looted toilet paper from the bathrooms and started little bonfires all over. Since the paper burned quickly some people set t-shirts aflame or threw in empty beer cups. Believe me, it smelled great.

Luckily for them, Cricket came prepared and mounted a water cannon above the field. Whenever a fire got too big, firefighters and security would aim the cannon from across the pavilion and sprinkle it out. This barely worked (distance, wind and pyromaniacs shielding the fires with their bodies were factors) and really only created mud. People danced and slid downhill in the mud til it was black.

So then, to get new fires out, teams of security officers rushed into the crowd, threw everyone aside and extinguished the flame. Then they left, leaving the smoldering plastic bottles and paper towels and the cancerous smoke that blew in everyone's face. Minutes later a new fire would start.

The whole blaze thing was amusing and as insane as concerts should be, but it's about as interesting as the fest got. Like I said, the hundreds of fans that screamed for Slayer stood around, arms crossed when the band actually came on. Most of the fans were too drunk or busy burning shit to care, I suppose, but you'd think that the intensity in which they screamed would have started a riot or two. No such luck.

Which is probably why earlier, Killswitch Engage screamed "Fuck You!" to their audience for being too tame (they made up for it at the end by rambling about love or something and seeing Phoenix again soon). Who knows why this concert was such a disaster, maybe it was the 116º heat or the general Hot Topic crowd or something. According to Bryce, Ozzfest was actually intense, so it's not necessarily the city's fault.

Most of the Slayer tools left when Manson came on. The freak said something about how glad he is about going to Hell because it'll be cooler than Phoenix and all these cool Phoenix people will be there and whatever. Then he played a few songs from his terrible new album, undressed and dressed up a dozen times in a row and made some incessant staticky sounds. Along with the burning plastic fumes, I'm positive Manson gave me brain tumors the size of ostrich eggs.

I'm sure if you've read through this far you think I'm a whiny bitch that doesn't have any fun. That's not true, I had a blast and it was totally worth the free price. I just feel entitled to criticize musicians (and the fans thereof) that I dislike, especially when their only gimmick is hate. Yawn.

It seems to me that bands like Led Zeppelin and others were criticized of being Satan-worshipers, which they denied, but then new bands sprung up emphasizing zealous devil-worship to sell more records. Sooner or later, Manson became the king of such marketing. Whether or not any of these bands burn crosses or carve swastikas into their foreheads or whatever is besides the point. To me, even if Manson is faking it or not, it's just a gimmick.

I can agree with Manson on a few things, such as American foreign and domestic policy, but screaming such diseased lyrics isn't encouraging social change at all (not that it's important) nor is the creep shouting anything entirely unique. It's just kind of . . . pointless. If it does something, it does something, but as far as I can see it's a stagnant message lost on his disinterested public.

The majority of the audience I was cast upon may not agree, but they sure had less enthusiasm than I had jeering at the whole debacle. Manson screams into this boring, listless group of people and they're his FOLLOWERS? As they say (not really), if you scream in the abyss, the abyss screams back at you.

On religion, Manson has a lot more pitfalls. Even if the Christian Right (ironically, it's neither) is a hive of morons that ruthlessly judge others and value war, Manson hasn't said anything that's less hateful than the vehement anti-gay, pro-carpet-bombing, anti-abortion demonstrators. As Christ once said, "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

The only blot of purity that Manson has claim to is not having directly hurt anyone. Big fuckin' deal. A lot of worthless people have that claim.

But I don't think that Manson should be shut up. As a follower of Christ, I'm against censorship of all kinds. Let Manson, Slayer and all the rest sing their petty little songs and incoherent lyrics. It amuses me more than anything. And at least they're good at what they're doing, in a way (but it's not hard to be hateful or join the Church of Satan).

Above all else, I wonder what Mayhem will be like next year and how they'll handle banning lighters or maybe the general lineup won't suck. If nothing changes and I somehow wind up there again, I'll be bringing a backpack full of kerosene soaked rags and I'll torch the whole place.