After two months of lazy deliberating, here are all the details from my first comic book, DOOMED!
I was desperate just to create something, publish something, like a little zine, but I had absolutely no direction whatsoever, so I gathered up some humorous sketches and threw them together at Kinko's. For five bucks, I published five issues (I made a lot of mistakes). I'm thinking of selling them (possibly to record stores or whatever) for 2 or 3 bucks, just to cover printing costs. And then I'll print a second edition. And then a volume two, which will have less shit and more point.
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I may change the name, details, etc. I may work with other artists, if they are somehow less lazy than me and don't expect a lot of cash. Email me at fireserphent@gmail.com if you're interested (include samples, unless you personally know me.)
(click to enlarge)
I guess that's all I have to say. Lately, I've felt very inspired by Matt Groening's book Love is Hell and Chris Ware's Acme Novelty Date Book. I'm developing characters and violent fantasies and I feel good about this boring comic escapade. I'm writing a children's book, too, which will be just as stupid or worse. The future is exciting!
So. . . You just watched Andy Warhol eat a hamburger. Maybe you're wondering what it's all about. It seems simple enough, just Andy in a green room munching his lunch, but he's famous. Maybe in this case, he does something interesting. So you watch as he opens the bag, pulls out the burger and unwraps it. No fries. The burger could be from anywhere. He dabs ketchup on the side and dips the burger into the ketchup instead of laying it on top, even though he pulled off the top bun. What? Now you're curious, is he gonna do anything more? So for the next three minutes as he chews and chews, you're mind is racing. You're wondering, what the hell is Andy Warhol thinking? He stares off into the middle-distance, chomp-chomping away and he doesn't look bored or happy or sad or even hungry. He is the epitome of emotionlessness. Suspense builds in your head like a pot boiling over. You're still trying to figure this out. He pulls the hamburger apart and doesn't even finish it! What the hell? He wraps the mess back up and stows it back in the sack, sets it aside, then twiddles his thumbs. He looks lost, glancing around, nearly paranoid, and his mouth is half open, like he's gonna say something. Now the suspense is killing you! Is he gonna explain this all away? Is he? He opens his mouth . . . and closes it. . . and opens it again! He does this for nearly a minute! And it's the longest minute of your life. Longer than that moment you almost drowned. Longer than that moment you were fired for stealing from your job. Longer than the minute you first inhaled.
Suddenly! It zooms in on Andy's face and he says,
"Um, my name is Andy Warhol and uh, I just finished eating a uh, hamburger."
That's it. That's it. It's perfect. It bars no explanation. It needs none. But for those of you confused, or unsatisfied, think of it this way: It's either the greatest joke ever told or a masterpiece of the simplest things in life. Perhaps it's something sexual. But I think Andy is mocking his own celebrity status. Of all the artists in history, Andy Warhol is probably the only artist more well-known than his art. And his art is simple, commonplace objects turned upside down. By videotaping an act so simple that no one values, Andy is saying, why does anyone value me? It's the most self-loathing, despairing video I have probably ever seen. And I hope you understand it like I do, because it truly is great.
